You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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