My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Drunk is not a location!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
