just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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