Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
