hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
