Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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