Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How's work?
Spinning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
