theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
