he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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