I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
