I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize