...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
