At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
