i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
