I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
