you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you had me at cake vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
