yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
