I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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