i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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