just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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