I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
