How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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