If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
