Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
FUCK WHALES
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
