I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.