I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex