i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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