So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
