Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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