Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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