Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
