i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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