she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
