Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
