If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
