I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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