I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
