We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
