no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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