I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
