sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
