he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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