DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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