you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
