Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
