You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
