Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
