So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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