i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
