Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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