He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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