it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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