new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
