That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
