I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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