you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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