I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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