Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize