You're my little dorito
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
that is very illegal...i love you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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