Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
