I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
