She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
