I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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