Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
