I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
