i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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