I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
