4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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