Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
