Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
