so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
