i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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