i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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